her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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