god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
