Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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