So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
