So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
