so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize