low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
