at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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