Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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