dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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