She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
