You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
they call him Oral-B. enough said
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
