She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
