Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
