I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
