Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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