Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
The best revenge is premature balding
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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