now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
