well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
