Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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