Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We left the knife in your bed.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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