At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
