also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
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On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
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He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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