I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
