this beer tastes like vomit already
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
