I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just invented taco cereal.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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