You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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