I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize