You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
