Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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