Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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