You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
he had hair everywhere except his balls
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
