I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
id be glad to
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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