you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
