guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Couch. On fire.
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