you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
