I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
