I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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