Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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