Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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