Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
