what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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