My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize