I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
