Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
