i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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