The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Soap is not a condiment
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
