carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
