I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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