i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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