He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
