awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
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