What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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