he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
wanna go halves on a baby?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I got inside last night via doggy door
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
