dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
