He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
