rhymes with "ouble enetration"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
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