Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
