My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
