I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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