I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
