in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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