he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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