let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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