My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
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I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
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I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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