Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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