dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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