Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
