new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
