I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
