I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
