your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I need a beard to bite.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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