I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
