How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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