So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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