Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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