just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
