I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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