Did I show you my penis last night?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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