we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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