she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
