brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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