i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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