I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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