I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
