i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
