i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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